You're my Best Friend:)

So this is not adoption related, but it is about my baby boy, who is no longer really a baby, but I can't stop calling him that, LOL. Last Friday, we were packing up to head to my parents for the weekend. I needed to run to the store to look at some dehumidifiers, which they didn't really have at the store I went to. But, on the way back, I was just trying to get home as fast as possible, and took a different way thinking it would be. WRONG! I forgot that in our city on Fridays, they have special activities downtown, and I ran right smack in to the traffic and congestion. So, I was trying to find alternate ways to go and just was frustrated, as I'm always anxious to get on the road anyway, so I said something I shouldn't have, "I just want to get freakin' home!" (I was kind of whiny and it was not one of my better moments). Anyway, my 3.5 year old who is finding it hilarious to copy everything I say right now piped up with the same sentence. It was my "smack hand to head moment" of D'oh. So I quickly told him that I was bad to say what I said, and that I would get a time out for it when I got home, so he should not say that.

Owen's response was not what I expected. Usually when I put his daddy in a time out (yes I have done that before to show more to Owen that it is not okay to do certain things such as throw balls in my house.) Usually, Owen says, yeah daddy, time out! Well, his response to me was, "No mommy, you can't have a time out, because you're my best friend!" Boy, does he know how to make you smile or what? Not only did I NOT have to sit in time out (LOL), but my 3 year old called me his best friend for the first time, before he ever said it to his dad, so I got to go home and brag about it to Andy, LOL:)  I did feel kind of bad for Andy, but I know soon enough Andy will be number 1 for Owen, because he's daddy, and no one can top daddy, LOL:)

Well, we made it to my parents house, after 11:00 pm, and Owen did NOT sleep at all on the way there. His sleep was very thrown off this past weekend. he took a good nap Saturday, but again, he didn't get to bed until late Saturday night. Then, he only slept an hour on the way home Sunday because it rained really hard and loud on the way back. Luckily, he slept good last night, and (knocking on wood), he is sleeping well tonight so far too. Although, he did get up about 15 mins after we layed him down tonight. I heard him say something and the covers rustling, so I knew he was making his move. Click, there went the door, and I went to him, picked him up and hugged him, and he said, "I want to snuggle with you." He said it so sad and cute, it was all I could do not to lay down with him for some snuggle time. I mean, how much longer is the snuggle time going to last? But, I had some things to do tonight, so I was good and put him back in his bed and said I would check on him when I went to bed, and if he was still awake, I would snuggle with him.

Sigh. Oh snuggle time, why can't my baby want to do that at other times rather than just when he wants out of his bed.

So the things I had to do before bed did not consist of writing on my blog, but I decided to write tonight anyway. I did order a new card replacement for a credit card, and I ordered a new work out video set- ZUMBA! I have been using the Wave aerobic system for almost 4 years. It has been used sporadically in the past with overtime/work, adoption, and stuff. But this past year to year and half I've been trying to be more focused. I had 3-4 months of solid work out in the fall, until I ended up sick for 3 months. In January, I started getting back on track, and now I've been working out 3-4 times a week, which is REALLY hard with Owen home, but I'm healthier. Well, I need to be able to change up my routines a bit better, since I only have 2 videos that go with my step. I don't want to get too bored with the ones I have, plus, I want to try and use different muscles more. So, Zumba was the next choice. I'm kind of excited about it, but I also really hope that it will help me more too. I have lost a few inches, but it's really only noticeable to me at this point. I'm hoping by having a bigger variety of workouts, it will be even more beneficial.

We're still waiting for a log in date (LID) for our dossier, and then once we get that, we can be matched any time. I'm REALLY praying that it happens soon. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers, as well as all families waiting for their kids and especially all kids waiting for their families.

Dossier done:)

After what seemed like forever, we finally got the last piece of our dossier done today.  Now, we just wait to be matched (I hate saying "referral"). I have started to pick up momentum in plans for baby girl's room, and almost have Owen's curtains done. Hopefully this weekend they will be hanging there. Once I'm done with his curtains, I'll be making baby girl's blanket. I'm really hoping she loves her blanket as much as Owen loves his. It makes me feel good that it's the blanket I made specifically with him in mind:)

So as I handed over our immigration approval to the fed ex person and left the building, I suddenly had an urge to cry. I got to the car and still was teary. I think it was the relief that we finally were done with this portion, and also the feeling of just being ready. But I've also been thinking about a very precious little boy that is being left behind in all of this, and that he would be home right now, getting ready to turn 2 this coming month. I am VERY excited about our daughter, and will be SO THRILLED and AMAZED with the daughter God chooses for us. But part of me is still so very sad about this little boy whom I still consider my son in my heart, who is not going to get to come home. I know that God is working this all out without my knowledge of how, but some days, it's still so hard to let it go and trust. I continue to pray for my patience and acceptance of God's plan. I pray that the guilt I feel over my excitement about our baby girl will continue to dissolve with time. I continue to pray for my little boy that I only saw in pictures, and that he will find his loving family.

I am very happy to be ready for the next step, and continue to hope that maybe before Christmas our daughter can be home.

Our path has changed directons, and our hearts continue to heal, hope, and have faith

So it's been a long time coming this post. In November, we were still so excited and anxiously waiting to know when we would finally travel to meet our new son. Well, we finally received our travel date the the Wednesday prior to Christmas. We were so excited to know when we would finally meet our new son, which would have been on 02/10/13. 

Then, our happiness was knocked down the very next week as the Russian government signed the bill banning all American adoptions. No one knew what this meant for those of us in the process, not our agency, not the US government. We tried to remain hopeful, and continued to look at our son's pictures, praying we would still be able to bring him home. We participated in conference calls with the Department of State, and our hope was slowly diminishing as we heard from them and read news out of Russia. In mid-January, our consultant at our agency finally straight out said to us, you need to determine your other options, you are not going to get through Russia's ban.

What's so unreal about ths situation is, from the moment we were matched, I had this fear that somehing was going to happen and we were going to lose our son. It was a much different feeling than when we were matched with Owen. With Owen, we registered for shower gifts, my friends and family sent out shower invitations, we told everyone about Owen. Two days after we were matched I called our agency to discuss the next step and they said that we would not be given travel dates until at least the end of November. I just felt this hesitation of wanting to share our news with anyone. I even told some friends and family that I just had this bad feeling we were not going to bring our son home. This time, I just know God was preparing me for this turn of events.

Andy and I feel like we have lost our son, and still consider this precious and beautiful child ours. We feel a deep loss. The only comfort we truly have is that we know God is watching over us and our son. Even if we cannot see or hold him, God will be there for him.

We prayed alot about what we should do. We learned more about the Waitng Child program iin China, and we feel God has led us here. Due to just losing a little boy, we decided to request a girl. Though we did have to somewhat "start over" in the process. We have been able to do so relatively quickly, and now are almost to where we will be logged in. Once logged in, we can be matched with our baby girl.

Throughout this process, I have struggled with feelings of guilt and sadness in the midst of wanting to feel excited for our girl. I have done some shopping for girl things, some of which was just to make the situation more real to me. We were so prepared for another boy, I envisioned Owen and our new son playing together, and being the best of friends. It didn't seem real to me at first that now we will have a daughter. I felt sadness when I would see clothes that would fit our new son, or the little brother shirt we had already gotten him. I felt sad when Owen would grow out of a shirt and think about just boxing it up instead of having it ready for his brother.  

I feel guilt, because I will not know what happens to my son. I can only pray that if he cannot be with our family, that he will be given another forever family that will love him as much as we would.  I pray that he will at least know love. I pray for him.

I also pray for our little girl who we do not know yet, and hope that when she learns of our adoption journey, and that it began in a different country, and we had been matched with a little boy, that she will not feel any less loved or any less wanted. Losing our son is out of our control, just as if we would have had a miscarriage. It's all in God's plan, even if it can be difficult and sad on the way to where we are supposed to go, it all works out through His love and guidance.

I have had pangs of guilt each time we get through another step in our China adoption, because with each hurtle overcome (such as new home study, new dossier documents), I feel more and more excitement and anticipation of our little girl. I cannot wait to find out who she is, and to know when we will bring her home. I cannot wait to start buying her clothes and pcituring her and Owen together. I cannot wait to put bows in her hair and see her in girly dresses. I have guilt for the increasing happiness I have for a daughter I have yet to even see or know anything about, when I was so excited for this little boy who embedded himself in my heart just with his pictures. 

The uplifting part of our journey during this adoption process is knowing that we have a little girl who needs us and is waiting for us, just as we need her and are waiting for her. As I've said before, God chose our family. He picked Andy for my spouse, Owen as our first child, and He continues to lead us to our daughter.  God's plan is always more amazing than the plans we could ever imagine for ourselves. The gift of my family shows me that everyday through my husband and my son. My life, even with all the normal drama of life circumstances, could not be more amazing and more of a blessing, and it is only due to God's planning and guidance that I am here.

Please continue to pray for those families that have met their children and are trying to bring them home. I know God is watching over them and I hope they can feel His love and guidance through it. But most importantly, please pray for the children in Russia, and everywhere, who are still waiting for their forever families.

The wait goes on....

We have almost completed all of the paperwork needed for our first trip. Yet, still we have no dates of travel. I'm more and more anxious to get over to Russia to hold our new son. We pray every night for him to be safe and to know that we love him, and that we will be able to get there soon.

We continue to talk to Owen about having a baby brother, but I know he does not totally get it. He does love to look at his picture and knows his name. But, it will not be as real to him until we can bring him home.

Owen is now 33 months old!  I cannot believe that our baby is going to be 3 in 3 months!!!  Owen continues to sprout up, but still is not gaining that much weight. He is now 35" and 26.6 lbs, which is about the same weight he was last month. I think it is because he never stops moving. That makes him so much like his dad! 

I'm curious to see what our new son will weigh when we bring him home, they might be neck and neck in weight....unless he's starting to plateau, which is what Owen did before we brought him home. We'll see...hopefully sooner rather than later.  Please keep our family in your prayers.

Wow! Who knew it had been so long since I posted anything?!  Well, it doesn't help that I was sick for almost 2 months and did not have the energy for a while to do anything. The first 4 weeks were the worst, I had bronchitis (though I really think I had pneumonia and the urgent care nurse practitioner didn't realize it). By week 5 I knew I needed to get into my regular doctors office and I did during week 6, and she gave me a second round of antibiotics and medication. I now think I am fully over it. YAY! 

During those 6-8 weeks, I have been incredibly busy too!!!! I worked OT during that time, which probably didn't help the illness, but it did add to the time off I'll have with baby 2 when he comes home......Oh yeah, that's right, we have another boy!!!!  We received a call 10/05/12 that we were matched with a 16 month old baby boy, with the chubbiest of cheeks:)  We were SOOOOOOOO happy!  We have really been trying to teach Owen about being a big brother. He does ask sometimes what his brother is doing...which is hard to explain to a 2.5 yr old.

Unfortunately, we have no dates yet of when we are traveling to meet this little guy. I'm SOOOOOO anxious to get him in my arms and hear him laugh!  We have been working on putting together more paperwork for our first trip, and trying to just keep focused and busy. But it's really hard not to worry about when we'll get over there.

Owen of course does his best to keep our minds occupied though, LOL!  He continues to be the best source of laughter for us (although I have to say Andy is not too far behind in that, LOL). Owen has been having more "conversations" with us, and still says the funniest things. Like tonight, he and I met my friend and her 2 kids at a nursing home to go trick or treating. I've wanted to take him to do that because when I was a kid, my parents took us and I think it's very beneficial for all involved. While we were on the way there, he talked non stop!  He was pretty good about saying, "trick or treat," "thank you," and "Happy Halloween." every time we made a "stop." Although I do think he was the liveliest kid there (next to his friend Emily;)) They were the life of our group I think;)  We stopped for dinner with them on the way home, and the whole way there he kept saying, "mommy, Emily, Kelli, Dean, and Anthony doing?" "Where are they?" He asked like 50 times, and I finally said, you know what Owen, I'm not going to answer this time, becuase I already told you they are in the car in front of us.  He said, "No mommy, I'm talking to my own self." and then proceeded to ask himself what they were doing. LOL!  I took him potty while we were there, (Oh yeah, we potty trained Owen the first weekend in September too....), and afterwards, he ran out and made sure everyone knew he had peed in the potty.  He likes to announce it every time! HA!

He's done really well with the potty training. After several months of taking him with his diapers, we decided to stop cold turkey and switch right to big boy underpants. It took 4 days, and in just under 2 months, he's only had maybe 3 days with accidents, I think that's awesome:)! 

Well, I'm going to try and do better about posting in the future, but for now, I have got to get some rest. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue to wait to meet our new family member and the process to bring him home! 

WAITING! for our next Russian babe!

As of next week, we will be officially registered in Russia. After that, we can receive a referral any time!!!!!!!  I cannot express the relief. I guess the paperwork doesn't seem quite as bad now, LOL!  So my paperwork blues are gone, now it's just the waiting game.

Patience, that is what I have to have as we wait to be matched with our next baby. We're going to try focusing on getting Owen's room done, getting some other things around the house done. Maybe get some items ordered for the new baby, like a car seat, etc.

Mentally preparing myself to take the trips is the other thing I'm working on. I think the idea of leaving Owen here while we travel is the part I need to work on the most. This weekend, he's having his first sleep over with one of his friends at their house. Although the difference is we're not 10 some hours away, it will still feel odd. But, I want him to have the experience a couple times....

We're also looking for a new sitter, which is not going so well. I'm hoping this month it will happen. I just hope Owen is okay with the switch.

I'm trying to gradually change things a little for him before the baby comes. I think he'll be most excited about his new room. I hope anyway, LOL. But, I think once the baby is here, he'll be SUPER excited to be a big brother and to have a play mate. I guess that is one thing about adopting an older infant, they can play right away with their siblings:) 

Please continue to pray for us as we continue our journey. All prayers are much needed and much appreciated. We continue to pray for all other families in process, and for all the babies/kids in Russia that need families. We pray for adoption throughout the world, and hope that more Forever Families are made every day!!!!!

The Paperwork Blues....

I'm sure many of you out there who have adopted know about the "paperwork blues." The feeling like it will never end, the road blocks from places you need them from, the desire to say "We're done!"  Some of the paperwork has been easier the 2nd time around, don't get me wrong. BUT, the same old road blocks seem to be there.

Examples of the frustration:
Andy's Work verfication letter.
It took many emails/calls, and Andy finally got his FIRST letter done after a MONTH of waiting on it. Turns out, his was incorrectly done, because apparently, they have no idea how to get something notarized. THEN< in my amazement, they turn around and get the letter corrected within a week, (Prior to Jen's 2nd one being done. What is up with that?!?)

Jenny's work verification letter. (Let's just say, these 2 things are not boading well for the HR community)
Usually, it takes my HR department FOREVER to get things right. So I was shocked when I received the letter back, within a week, and done to my specifications (and before Andy got his). (Which was basically done just like our last one in terms of content), but needed a notary. I tell my agency over the phone what it's like, they say it's fine. However, once they see the actual scanned copy- no, it's all wrong. So I think, okay, in a week, I'll have the right one. NO!!!!!!!!!!! This time, it takes 4 f/us emails, 1 f/u phone call, and an email to the HR person's BOSS to get back the corrected letter after a MONTH of waiting for it!!!!!!!!!!!! And it was literally, the LAST thing we were waiting on.

Wait list documents
It took 2 weeks to get these from the agency! It only took us 2 days to complete them. That is at least 12 extra days that were unnecessary!!!!!!! 

License letter from Home study agency- STILL Waiting on it and  not going to get it for at least 2 more weeks because the person has taken the longest vacation known to man, and apparently NO ONE else i the licensing office can handle putting it together. URG!

So I take the documents we have today down to get them verified and apostilled, because we should be able to register with the ones we have on file. I had been VERY careful in explaining the requirements for the notaries every where we had to have them done. Apparently, my HR person is extremely bad, because she did NOT pay attention to the fact that the notary had to be registered in our county. THEREFORE- I have to have it done a 3RD time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Believe you me, I am going in there and raising hell, because I'm not waiting a MONTH to get it back this time.

I call the agency, and am told, it's okay, we can still register without the work verification letter. OK! That makes me feel less bad, but I'm still fuming mad at the situation none the less. Next, I pick up our certified copy of the deed. No problem.   I'm okay, it's only been almost 2 hours since I started the process of getting the verifications done.  I get to the Secretary of State office. They relunctantly take my 79 documents (yes, that is the number I had, not counting the 3 outstanding that we can register without)........I sit to wait patiently (mostly because the woman acted like it was going to take her the rest of the day, and it was only ten til 3 pm. - they are open until 5). After about 10 mins the lady re-appears, and  think, wow that was fast. Uh- NO. she proceeds to tell me that they cannot apostil the deed becuase it was a deputy recorder, and not the county recorder herself that completed the certificaton. HELLO! I KNOW I am not the only person in my county that is and has adopted from Russia. WHY can't they get their crap together!!!!!!

NOw, what amazed me was, the woman acted like she was NOT going to finish my other documents! I had to tell her that I still wanted her to do the other documents while I went back to the other office to get the right certified copy. She AGAIN acted put out. At this point, I SERIOUSLY was about 5 seconds away from tears! I had just put enough money in the meter to sit there 1.5 hours and had to go re-pay for the parking garage I literally had left about 20 mins prior. I go back up to the office, and the deputy recorder who signed my document says he can't help me, and takes me to his boss. I proceed to explain to him what I need, and he begins to turn into a big, pompous jerk. Again, I could cry at any moment. URG. I tell the guy, I'm not arguing that they gave me a certified copy; HOWEVER< the s. of s. office WILL NOT apostil it, and it is not in my control. He says the best he can do is to notarize them. But, he will have to re-issue (re-charge me) for the ones I LITERALLY JUST picked up, because they left the office, so they cannot consider them valid. I asked him when they would be done, and he basically yelled several times, "Not today, not today." and would not give me a straight answer. Now, I knew that if I opened my mouth to comment on his rudeness, that A) I would end up crying. and B) they might have to escort me out of the office. Therefore, I took his name and number, and believe you me, I will be calling tomorrow to find out the status, and I WILL ask to speak to his supervisor.

I got down town about 1:10 today, and didn't get to pick Owen up until 5:10. I am exhausted, worn out, and really just want to cry. I think we can still send the documents we have to get registered, but now we still have these additional outstanding documents, which apparently are going to continue to be pains in my rear. i need lots of prayers. i also think I could use lots of chocolate, well emotionally rather than physically, anyway, LOL!  I'm just so anxious to keep the papers moving and to get closer to bringing our next baby home.  I still do not think it's fair that even HERE in the US where everything is "so much better." That people still put adoptive parents through so much crap. Especially people like that deputy recorder.  I just want to look at them and be like- HELLO you're getting paid to do this job, WITH MY MONEY, and I'm just trying to bring my baby home, get over it and just help me!!!!!!

We'll see what tomorrow brings. (be lucky i didn't go into all of my frustrations we've had with paperwork and the agency, etc, or you'd be reading this for a long time. That is if you didn't already stop reading it.)