Last year at this time, we had just been given travel dates to meet our other "son" in Russia, and then our dream of being his parents disappeared within less than a week when the law was being signed to ban adoptions. We would have had him home by the summer, and he would be here with us celebrating and joining in the Christmas joy. This has remained in the back of my mind as we continued through advent and entering Christmas.
Despite knowing we are less one child than we thought we'd be, this Christmas season has still been good. The past few week I have enjoyed watching Owen LOVE Christmas and be so into decorating and getting ready for Christmas. He's even learning Christmas songs, and I LOVE listening to him sing them. I cannot wait for him to open his gifts and see him so excited and having fun with them. I couldn't imagine Christmas without his joy!
The only thing that could make Christmas better is knowing who our daughter is, seeing her face, and knowing we would soon be holding her. It has been almost a year since we switched over to the china program, and almost 2 years since we began discussing our next adoption. All I want for Christmas is Hailey, to see her beautiful face, her eyes, her hands, to know that we will soon have our family together. I think I'm asking for a Christmas miracle since Christmas is 3 days away, and I'm not so sure I've been a good enough "girl" this year to deserve that miracle.
I keep trying to stay positive about it, and to be patient and know that I need to get past my controlling nature and believe. But part of me is having problems being positive. Part of me is worried that my request for a Christmas miracle won’t happen until next Christmas. I was not ready for this long of a wait. I was not prepared for my heart to feel this missing piece for so long.
After feeling all sorry for myself, then I started to think how pathetic my sadness really is, because these kids that I see in orphanages are the ones who’s Christmas miracle really needs to happen. They need so much more than I do, and I need to focus on praying for them and that they get what they need, including the little boy we wanted so badly to be home with us last year. So that is what I’m going to try and concentrate on is praying that all these kids find the love they deserve. So while all I thought I wanted for Christmas was Hailey, I now realize I really want all orphans home for Christmas, and no matter how many Christmas we have to go through for these miracles to happen, I need to keep praying for them to come true.
Please pray with me this Christmas for all of these children find their families soon.
